I was recently having tea with this really posh lad in London who, unlike most men across the pond that might consider themselves gentlemen, seemed like he innately possessed the characteristics and dress sense of one. Appropriate for the setting, he was wearing a fabulous knit cardi coat with toggle buttons, dark denim, and impeccably uncreased brogues fresh from what seemed to be from an exclusive bespoke cobbler. Trying to figure out what this guy was all about, I asked myself -- was his choice of attire a result of his high esteemed self worth or simply befitting of the way he prepared his afternoon tea?
While discussing fashion, he made no reservations sharing his opinion of logo-plastered clothing. Being an opponent of such displays, I couldn't help but to emphatically agree with a series of exaggerated head nods and wide gestured hand movements. Moving into more technical details of sartorialism, he mentioned that his preference of Japanese designers for their cuts and lines was predicated on the fact that the Italians merely have managed to copy the Japanese. Belaboring further, from his experience as the restaurateur and night club concept developer, he managed to slip in something along the lines of "you NEVER want to be wearing the same shirt as another guy you’re working with." So it’s no surprise that he only chose to shop where his sense of style couldn't possibly be copied. Of course, I'd have to add that if you've taken the time to cultivate and really OWN your own sense of style, you would also steer clear of mass-produced fashion. After he left, two American tourists, not accustomed to such displays of style and poise, asked “is he gay”?
This leads me to the subject of style, men, and its role in American culture. And I'll go so far as to label it a social problem because it's really angered me about how so many Americans view this very topic. For instance, "being a real man" in America is defined by: How many beers you can bong, how many “bitches” you’ve fucked over, and possibly even the number of sneakers in your closet. Adding insult to injury, the ultimate gauge posits that if the amount of effort put into your attire, living space, and grooming involves more than two minutes of thought, you are deemed a “girly-man”. But let us bring some undeniable facts into view -- men of many different cultures outside America, adopt the ideology as children of embracing their seemingly 'feminine' side because society requires them to do in order to be successful with women. So it's definitely not a surprise that they tend to have more sex and experience a lower rate of divorce. The cultural phenomenon of "homophobia" is actually sending many American men into bouts of emotional despair for which the only winners are pharmaceutical companies reporting massive profits from products like Viagra and Prozac.
Coming full circle, it appears that charm, outside the US, starts with conversation, a good mind fuck, and ends with sexual seduction in the bedroom. Diametrically opposed to this norm, Americans, believe that charm starts with a drunken bedroom encounter and ends with an awkward text message.
I reached out to a male friend that is a highly successful executive in both the entertainment and technology field and this is what he had to say on the subject:
Hey Paige, GREAT idea for an article and for most of my life I have suffered that exact kind of bullshit in the US. I dress well, love good art and furniture, do NOT watch sports of any kind (I like to PLAY sports, not try to influence players on the TV by screaming at it), can buy my wife shoes that she will wear without her being there and am the one in our house who chooses and buys the flowers. Does that make me immediately gay? Ha! It makes me more sexy and manly according to my wife (and her female friends whom I have had this exact discussion with). Being a man is about representing the best things in men: strength, honor, patience, care, nurturing, joy, being a mentor, being inspired, listening, sharing - and these things are not the specific domain of men - they are things that HUMANS should strive to do and be - gay, straight, bi, up, down, sideways - it doesn't matter. You know my wife and do you think for a second she would have married me, let alone stayed with me these past 12 years if I were a boorish, loud-mouthed, go-to-the-bar-and-get-wrecked-with-my-stupid-guy-friends, slovenly, leave-the-toilet-seat-up kind of man? Not a chance. In the game of life as a man, I can screw up my career and a whole lot of other things, but with her, I have won. All I have to do is be the kind of man that her kind of woman wants and needs. And bringing her coffee in bed, throwing in a load of laundry once in a while, doing the dishes without being told and commenting on a new perfume or top she is wearing doesn't hurt.
Additionally, I have cooked dinner 3 of the past 4 nights (despite the fact that my wife is a gourmet chef), all dishes of my own creation which I thought of, sourced all the ingredients, cooked, served and cleaned up after. Why? Because as a man I WANTED TO and I COULD. Does that make me gay? Or metro? Or anything? No. It makes me me. A man. The kind of man that I am. The kind of man that my wife (who is SO not a "fag-hag") appreciates. The kiss I got when I served her dinner was delicious. The one after I cleaned up was better. I am certainly not some freak, I am prone to all things man-gross, but at the end of the day, those things just do not work with women (or anyone for that matter). It's better, easier and more enlightening to be part of the solution, not part of the problem, meaning: happy wife, happy life.
In closing I would like to state that the man that wrote me that response no longer lives in the USA. Go figure.
